The Crocodile Went to the Dentist

I made the trip to the dentist the other week, and for those of you who are familiar with Shel Silverstein’s poem, I didn’t exactly eat her, but I did get pretty darn close!

It started off innocently enough as I slid into the big vinyl chair, and got ready for my tooth cleaning and whitening consultation. I quickly noticed that the dentist seemed to be lacking an assistant as she came into the room and introduced herself.

I hadn’t gotten my teeth cleaned; I am ashamed to say, in a really long time. I know. People like me should be punished, or at least come up with a bunch of cavities or something right? Well, besides for some embarrassing discoloring that I needed to treat, my teeth were really not in such bad shape… and the dentist let me know that she was ready to begin the cleaning process.

She attaches the bib to my shirt and gets her utensils lined up on the tray in front of her. She takes out her anesthetic spray that I assume is meant for my teeth. Although, I never knew my previous dentists to numb my gums before cleaning them. “Hmmm. Something new” I assume.


Well, that numbing spray of hers misfires, and hits me square in the eyeball. I freak out mentally since I’m not able to talk as she has already managed to get some stuff in my mouth as well. I sit there fearing that my eyeball is blinded or numbed forever from this dangerous substance. I whine and whimper. Tears stream down my face, while people in the hallway pass by and stare into our room from the open door.

I finally am able to convince the dentist that I very much need to wash out my eyes. So I stumble-blurred vision, tears and all, across the hallway to the nearest sink. I rinse out my eyes as well as I can and return to the dreaded chair. As the dentist apologizes profusely and prepares to get her cleaning instruments back to work on my mouth, I am wondering where exactly she got her credentials from.
Instruments of torture more like it.

Was that actually anesthetic which she tried to put in my mouth before, or was it something that makes your gums feel like they have nerve ending sticking out of them? Either way, anesthetic or not, it felt like she was tearing into my gums with gusto. I imagined blood spurting out every which way from my mouth, as the ancient cleaning tool screeched an unearthly loud pitch in my ear. The suctioning tool was jumping around in my mouth and making a mess. I grabbed the tube to steady it and held on for dear life.

As I neared my threshold of pain tolerance, I wondered how and when I would be making my great escape. I imagined tearing off the bib, and ripping out the suctioning tube. Spitting out whatever else was in my mouth and making a run for it. Never looking back.

Somehow, someway, I made it through till the end. Every tendon in my body was aching from built up tension. When I was finished with the dentist, she apologized once again for the mishap. She informed me that I would not need anything more intensive than crest white strips to remove that ugly brown stain on my front teeth that had been bothering me for so long. I took a glance in the mirror by the sink as I washed up from all the mess. Actually, I didn’t see as much blood as I had expected to see. Almost none at all. Surprising! As for my teeth. They were smooth and sleek and sparkling white. Shocking! Never in a million years would I have guessed that my teeth would look so good again from nothing more than a “regular” tooth cleaning. Why did she even mention white strips for me?

Was it worth all the pain in the end? Well for just a simple cleaning, I think I would try to avoid going to this clumsy dentist again. But for whiter teeth? Don’t we all say beauty is pain? Yes, I do believe the pain was worth it after all! I got back my confidence to smile again. I feel younger and more attractive. I feel happier. I know. It’s crazy. With all the terrible discomfort I went through. But truthfully, I think I am not the only one who would feel this way. And rest assured, if I ever go back there I will be sure to ask for her male partner instead. It may just be true that male doctors have a gentler touch (as I’ve been told by many of my friends).

As I have mentioned in my comment to a reader, Shel Silverstein was in my opinion a brilliant, creative, and very funny poet/writer. Here is the link to the official website. Kids and adults really do love this kind of fun creativity. http://www.shelsilverstein.com/indexSite.html



Side note: My personal review of the crest whitestrips supreme professional whitening brand (the expensive ones sold exclusively at the dentist’s office) is as follows.

Upside: Like the regular crest whitestrip, these strips were simple to apply, and required no extra time or effort on my part.

Downside: After a few times wearing the crest whitestrips my gums and teeth felt so sensitive that I couldn’t imagine how the peroxide wasn’t doing some internal damage to my teeth. I am careful about what substances I put on my body. So why shouldn’t I be careful about what goes on my teeth as well? I may have noticed slight whitening...I am reluctant to use these again. If I am ever really desperate for whiter teeth I will use these strips only with extreme caution…